Complete & Utter Randomness

Can't sleep. So I will write whatever is on my mind. Forgive me if my thoughts jump all over the place.

I wish there was some way of making someone not feel certain feelings: jealousy, hatred, loneliness, sadness, neediness, or any feelings or history you just want to forget or take away.

I get so jealous of other girls sometimes, even though I know there are some girls who are jealous of me. I don't see it. Am I oblivious? I get jealous of maybe certain parts of their body or maybe even a personality trait I do not possess.

I wish I knew the real intentions of some people's actions. I want to be able to read minds and to always be one step ahead of the game.

This year is my year. I have some many things I want to accomplish this year. Things that are just for me and no one else. I want a tattoo. I want to do my sexy photo shoot. I want to be more involved in sports (bball or vball). I want to take up either pole dancing or hip hop dancing. I want to be able to go to the movies and a restaurant alone. I want to learn how to rollerblade. I want to workout to the extreme to reach my goal of beach body for this summer. I want to "really" put myself out there to meeting new people, having fun and going out on dates. I want to tackle more outdoorsy activities. And I'm sure the list goes on and on.

Life is a funny thing. You never, ever know where it will take you. There are always times when I think to myself..."well if i didn't do this, then I wouldn't of done that or met so-and-so."

I had some recent drama creep back up. An ex telling me some things I really didn't really want to know."

I am a good person. I know I deserve the best. I'm just waiting for my prince charming to sweep me off my feet. tick..tock..tick tock. But I am patient. No need to rush these things. It is not a race to the finish line.

It's going to be about 4 months since I've been single. It's been okay. The first two months were miserable because I was still trying to get back up on my two feet. December and January have been pretty good to me. I am back on track and going with the flow of life. With that, I have met some great people and have done some new & exciting things. It's only January but I've had a blast thus far. If this is any indication as to how the rest of the year will be, I know it'll be a good one.

I better hit the hay. Don't be a chicken Kim. Do it if you want it. Now if only I can take my own advice...bah.

Thank You Exercise!!!

Went to the gym today and had an okay workout. I did my all over body circuit x2, as well as my arm/shoulder/back circuit x2. Since I haven't been going to the gym for a long time since my last stretch of not going, I am easing into my cardio. Today, I did 40 minutes on the stationary bike. It's kinda weak as compared to what I was doing before (30 minutes of treadmill interval run/jog training). I really have to step it up for the remainder of the week and next. Now is a good time as any to "kick it up a notch".

I am starting to really notice my abs, which is just amazing. It is something I have always wanted. But I still need to step up my cardio in order to really see them coming through.

I want to thank this thing called "working out". It has really helped me through some tough-ass times in my life, especially the garbage I went through last year. I don't even remember why or how I got to the lowest point in physical activity & health, but I'm glad something in me got its senses knocked in. Sometimes I think back and remember how I used to avoid the gym at all costs. I guess part of it had to be with laziness. I don't think I could ever do without exercise anymore. This is how dedicated I am. I am hardcore. Now, it's not a matter of forcing myself to go to the gym. I know I have to go to the gym because THE GYM IS GOOD FOR ME AND MY BODY. The lucky guy (if there is ever going to be one again) who I end up with will have to be as hardcore as myself with working out. If not, I really don't see it working out. I need someone in my life who adopts the same mentality as I do with physical activity. They have to care just as much about their body as I care about mine. It's funny to say now but exercise is a big part of my life now. I need it. I crave it.

I want to win the bet. I know I can win. I just really have to stop eating the junk I have lately. If I can get back to the strict diet, I know I can do it. It is quite nice to have a motivating force behind working out. Mind you, with my last ex, my driving force for working out was to shove it in his face for him to see what he was missing out on. I think I definitely completed that task. But this time around, I am not just working out hardcore because of this bet and then after the bet, I'll just stop. Working out is a lifestyle now. There is no turning back.

"That girl is so dangerous. She's a bad girl." - Akon ft Kardinal Offishall

Yah Birthday Week!!!

This year is going to be the best birthday yet. I honestly and truly believe that. No "boy" drama, because most guys are little boys or at least act like them. No depressing thoughts running through my mind on my special day like last year. There is a huge difference as to where I was then as compared to now. I am one strong, powerful, dominating and let's not forget SEXY woman. So with all that, there are a few preparations that need to be attended to to beautify myself.

Here's my list:
Get Lashes Refilled
Makeup professionally done by M.A.C. Cosmetics
Tan (Monday, Wednesday, Friday)
Hair done by my stylist
Gel nails, pedicure & possibly a Brazilian wax (eek)
Look for unique rings, bracelets & purse

I want to look my best because it's my day and all those things I am doing is to treat myself. Because "I AM A DIVA." lolI deserve it after such a hard year. I got a couple of options for an outfit. It is just so hard to pick one. The one thing I got on my mind when trying my outfits on is "does this make me look fat?" I know..I know. So bad to think those things but my self confidence comes and goes. I have to work extra hard at the gym this week and really watch what I eat. No junk. Junk food is junk for the body. With self confidence, I guess it has something to do with my previous relationships and growing up a little overweight. It kinda sticks with you throughout your life.

Even though I heard great feedback from people since I started working out, there is more I need to do. I am never finished until I am satisfied. Come summertime, I know I will be ready. Can't wait to strut my stuff in a bikini and show off my confidence. I found a quote the other day. It really stuck with me. Few words but powerful ones.

"Commit to be fit."

A Little Off Track But I'm Back!!!

Well today is another start to another challenge. By April, we will see who has the most results. I know it's early now, but I need to start this process of getting myself back on the wagon. The last time (before today) I had worked out was a week and a little bit ago. A far cry from what I was used to doing....working out everyday. I have to start my crazy diet once again, especially since my birthday is just around the corner. I need to look my best.

Did my newish circuit x2 with a 45 minute treadclimber workout. The machine said I burned about 400 calories, which makes up for the bad stuff I ate today. I have to quit that starting...NOW!

Tomorrow, I will take my progression picture. I have already missed 2 weeks worth. I'm so bad for that.

This year is all about FUN!!! I know this is going to be the best year yet. I feel it in my bones.

Bring it on 2010.