Complete & Utter Randomness

Can't sleep. So I will write whatever is on my mind. Forgive me if my thoughts jump all over the place.

I wish there was some way of making someone not feel certain feelings: jealousy, hatred, loneliness, sadness, neediness, or any feelings or history you just want to forget or take away.

I get so jealous of other girls sometimes, even though I know there are some girls who are jealous of me. I don't see it. Am I oblivious? I get jealous of maybe certain parts of their body or maybe even a personality trait I do not possess.

I wish I knew the real intentions of some people's actions. I want to be able to read minds and to always be one step ahead of the game.

This year is my year. I have some many things I want to accomplish this year. Things that are just for me and no one else. I want a tattoo. I want to do my sexy photo shoot. I want to be more involved in sports (bball or vball). I want to take up either pole dancing or hip hop dancing. I want to be able to go to the movies and a restaurant alone. I want to learn how to rollerblade. I want to workout to the extreme to reach my goal of beach body for this summer. I want to "really" put myself out there to meeting new people, having fun and going out on dates. I want to tackle more outdoorsy activities. And I'm sure the list goes on and on.

Life is a funny thing. You never, ever know where it will take you. There are always times when I think to myself..."well if i didn't do this, then I wouldn't of done that or met so-and-so."

I had some recent drama creep back up. An ex telling me some things I really didn't really want to know."

I am a good person. I know I deserve the best. I'm just waiting for my prince charming to sweep me off my feet. tick..tock..tick tock. But I am patient. No need to rush these things. It is not a race to the finish line.

It's going to be about 4 months since I've been single. It's been okay. The first two months were miserable because I was still trying to get back up on my two feet. December and January have been pretty good to me. I am back on track and going with the flow of life. With that, I have met some great people and have done some new & exciting things. It's only January but I've had a blast thus far. If this is any indication as to how the rest of the year will be, I know it'll be a good one.

I better hit the hay. Don't be a chicken Kim. Do it if you want it. Now if only I can take my own advice...bah.

Thank You Exercise!!!

Went to the gym today and had an okay workout. I did my all over body circuit x2, as well as my arm/shoulder/back circuit x2. Since I haven't been going to the gym for a long time since my last stretch of not going, I am easing into my cardio. Today, I did 40 minutes on the stationary bike. It's kinda weak as compared to what I was doing before (30 minutes of treadmill interval run/jog training). I really have to step it up for the remainder of the week and next. Now is a good time as any to "kick it up a notch".

I am starting to really notice my abs, which is just amazing. It is something I have always wanted. But I still need to step up my cardio in order to really see them coming through.

I want to thank this thing called "working out". It has really helped me through some tough-ass times in my life, especially the garbage I went through last year. I don't even remember why or how I got to the lowest point in physical activity & health, but I'm glad something in me got its senses knocked in. Sometimes I think back and remember how I used to avoid the gym at all costs. I guess part of it had to be with laziness. I don't think I could ever do without exercise anymore. This is how dedicated I am. I am hardcore. Now, it's not a matter of forcing myself to go to the gym. I know I have to go to the gym because THE GYM IS GOOD FOR ME AND MY BODY. The lucky guy (if there is ever going to be one again) who I end up with will have to be as hardcore as myself with working out. If not, I really don't see it working out. I need someone in my life who adopts the same mentality as I do with physical activity. They have to care just as much about their body as I care about mine. It's funny to say now but exercise is a big part of my life now. I need it. I crave it.

I want to win the bet. I know I can win. I just really have to stop eating the junk I have lately. If I can get back to the strict diet, I know I can do it. It is quite nice to have a motivating force behind working out. Mind you, with my last ex, my driving force for working out was to shove it in his face for him to see what he was missing out on. I think I definitely completed that task. But this time around, I am not just working out hardcore because of this bet and then after the bet, I'll just stop. Working out is a lifestyle now. There is no turning back.

"That girl is so dangerous. She's a bad girl." - Akon ft Kardinal Offishall

Yah Birthday Week!!!

This year is going to be the best birthday yet. I honestly and truly believe that. No "boy" drama, because most guys are little boys or at least act like them. No depressing thoughts running through my mind on my special day like last year. There is a huge difference as to where I was then as compared to now. I am one strong, powerful, dominating and let's not forget SEXY woman. So with all that, there are a few preparations that need to be attended to to beautify myself.

Here's my list:
Get Lashes Refilled
Makeup professionally done by M.A.C. Cosmetics
Tan (Monday, Wednesday, Friday)
Hair done by my stylist
Gel nails, pedicure & possibly a Brazilian wax (eek)
Look for unique rings, bracelets & purse

I want to look my best because it's my day and all those things I am doing is to treat myself. Because "I AM A DIVA." lolI deserve it after such a hard year. I got a couple of options for an outfit. It is just so hard to pick one. The one thing I got on my mind when trying my outfits on is "does this make me look fat?" I know..I know. So bad to think those things but my self confidence comes and goes. I have to work extra hard at the gym this week and really watch what I eat. No junk. Junk food is junk for the body. With self confidence, I guess it has something to do with my previous relationships and growing up a little overweight. It kinda sticks with you throughout your life.

Even though I heard great feedback from people since I started working out, there is more I need to do. I am never finished until I am satisfied. Come summertime, I know I will be ready. Can't wait to strut my stuff in a bikini and show off my confidence. I found a quote the other day. It really stuck with me. Few words but powerful ones.

"Commit to be fit."

A Little Off Track But I'm Back!!!

Well today is another start to another challenge. By April, we will see who has the most results. I know it's early now, but I need to start this process of getting myself back on the wagon. The last time (before today) I had worked out was a week and a little bit ago. A far cry from what I was used to doing....working out everyday. I have to start my crazy diet once again, especially since my birthday is just around the corner. I need to look my best.

Did my newish circuit x2 with a 45 minute treadclimber workout. The machine said I burned about 400 calories, which makes up for the bad stuff I ate today. I have to quit that starting...NOW!

Tomorrow, I will take my progression picture. I have already missed 2 weeks worth. I'm so bad for that.

This year is all about FUN!!! I know this is going to be the best year yet. I feel it in my bones.

Bring it on 2010.

Compliments...How I Love Thee

Earlier this week at Shapes, I was just minding my own business on the stationary bike near the front door by reception when Stacey, a super sweet employee, came up to me and said something that made my day for sure. She said "Kim, since you have started here at Shapes..you look just FABULOUS." I thanked her and tried my hardest not to smile after she left. So nice of her to say.

Today, my trainer Amy said I have significantly increased weights lifted and endurance. She said the girl that came in a month ago about her breakup is a totally different girl now. It is very true. I am much stronger mentally and physically.

This week I am going hardcore. Workout everyday for 1 hour and 30 minutes first thing in the morning. I have already set my alarm for tomorrow. 9 o clock is start time. I really have to watch what I eat. A couple of times this week I have overindulged on chips. Not a good thing if I want to be...well where I wanna be...which is 10 pounds lighter. I have to stick to the strict diet plan. Here it is:

Morning: 3-4 egg whites, Oats with water (Splenda is optional)

Snack: Banana, Apple, Carrots, or Celery Sticks

Lunch: Tuna, Chicken or Salmon

Snack: Protein Shake

After Workout: Protein Shake

Dinner: Chicken, Tuna, Salmon or Lean Ground Beef with Veggies

Snack: Carrots or Celery sticks

It's quite hard with the holiday season, but I'll make it work. Key word is "PINK ELEPHANT". I want to look great for my pictures and my upcoming birthday bash. Wish me luck.

Bye Bye Inches

I was cleaning out my closet for clothes that didn't fit to give away to The Salvation Army or Value Village and found some interesting things. I have 2 dresses that the buttons used to bust open and now like magic....ta da....they don't do that anymore. Clothes are getting looser. The clothes I thought were too small now fit.

Bet 'til the end of January? I am still thinking about it. I don't know if I want him to get a heads up on me. I really want to win. And to keep going at this crazy diet and exercise regime for another month...eek. We will have to see.

If I keep at this, I'll make my goal weight in no time. When I first started this I think I was about 160 lbs. Right now, my current weight is 140 lbs. My goal weight is 130 - 135 lbs. 10 more pounds to go.

I'm lovin' life right now!!!

Wow It's Been A Long While

Sorry I haven't been on here to update you. I've been so busy with school and such. You haven't missed much. I'm not sure if I had posted earlier in another post but I am currently on a bet with Kimsong. The bet is to see whoever has the most results (physical) in a month just by using images of ourselves. The loser pays for the winners meal. Mary lou is going to be our impartial judge. Judging commences on the 31st of this month. I am working really hard at the gym right now and have recently started up a new diet Joe has graciously given to me. I am going to win. I mean we are both winners in the end but I want to come out on top. He keeps saying he is going to win, which compels me more for the challenge. I am still taking my transformation/progression pictures each week but they are now with me in my undies, therefore I will not post them up anymore. Waaa waaa waaa. Sorry.

This weekend is going to tons of fun though. 3 bday in 1 day at Republic Nightclub. My friend, who is also the owner was able to get us the VIP Pole room. You don't even k now how frickin' excited I am. I finally get to practice my moves in front of a crowd. Mentally, I have a routine but we will see how it plays out on Saturday.

Wow! It's Been 5 Days

What's Happened?

Friday: Went to Republic for Lisa's birthday, the new fellas came out, went to eat at East Ocean with the fellas

Saturday: Went to Jon Siu's birthday at his house, then over to Noogen's apartment with the new fellas 'til 3:00 am

Sunday: Had dinner at grandma's house, then Tony Roma's with the new fellas, and bubbletea at Global Tea House...later that night I had a fever

Monday: Didn't go to school or the gym because I was feeling like a big pile of crap

Tuesday: Didn't go to the gym but went to school. Had an interview.

Wednesday: school, gym, study...boring stuff.

And that's what you missed.

P.S. Here is week 5. It kinda looks like I'm Super Woman. I guess the logo on my top reflected on my camera...hehe. I'm sure it looks quite similar to week 4 (except for the fact I'm wearing different clothes) because I didn't workout for 2 days yikes. I'm also confident week 6 will look similiar to week 5, because I also missed 2 days at the gym because I had a fever. Bah. Gotta push it for the next 4 days. You can do it!!!

Yesterday

I didn't get a chance to log in yesterday's events so here is the short form.

School, gym, pole dancing, Polo Park, movie. Here is the breakdown:

Gym: all over body circuit (x2) and 20 minutes on stationary bike
Pole Dancing: learned some new sexy moves, had a "pics or didn't happen moment with Mary Lou, free styled
Polo Park: bought a black liquid Sephora brand eye liner and walked around until close

Zombie

Note: I did not get to bed til late...so I felt like a zombie...one of the symptoms of joining the "Super Friends" group chat on BBM or so I was told by the other members. I decided to go for a run because it looked beautiful outside. Once I got outside I found out it was not as nice as it seemed. I started with a fast-walk but quickly sped up to a running pace. About 3 minutes into the run, I had to stop. I guess I'm not used to running for a straight 20 minutes as compared to the interval training I normally do. So it was 2 minutes run, 3-4 minutes walk. At one point, my leg cramped up. So I pretty much looked like a gimp...a zombie gimp. I did fast walking all the way back home while listening to my iPod. Two fatal mistakes I made. First, I didn't drink water beforehand. Second, I did not stretch. Ya this leg cramp is all me. All my fault but I'm okay now.

Worked out today but just a somewhat lighter one because I was still feeling out of it from the other day. I did my all over body circuit with 2 sets, 30 minutes on the stationary bike and 15 minutes fast walking on the treadmill. Nothing too intense today.

Well Friday is just around the corner, I wonder if I will be able to fit into that dress I bought 2 weeks ago with Christian at St.Vital from Urban Behaviour. I'll see how it goes.

I Feel Weird

I woke up yesterday morning in a hot sweat, my head was pounding, my heart racing, I felt like I was going to barf, my body quite sore from the extraneous workout the day before. I think my body was telling me to "stop working out too much". Therefore, I didn't workout. I went to school and walked home after just to get a little cardio workout in.

I was asked to join the "Super Friends" group chat on Blackberry. It's pretty neat. The group can share pictures, calendars, and lists. Sure, they talk about random things but it makes for an interesting day...everyday.

Day 22: No Pain, No Gain/Missed U Blogger

Okay here is what you missed:

Saturday: Woke up, went to a ACN business conference with Joe (seems interesting), worked out at Shapes (all over body circuit & cardio), showered, ate dinner at home, went out to Mystique with Char and the guy she is seeing, Jordin, Joe and his friends were there, saw some high school peeps, danced on the elevated platform, was a "pretend date" for Joe's ex to be jealous, Joe's friend Jessie called me "his new fag hag" (love it), had one McDonald's french fry (Char waved it right in front of my face) and orange juice, went home, bbm'ed with "the guy", and most importantly I WON THE BET (Manny vs Miguel) with kimsong. I get treated to a dinner. Lucky me!!!

Sunday: Woke up, worked out at Shapes, went to my sister's place to help her sell a Kobe Bryant jersey on eBay, had dinner, slept at 1 am.

Today: woke up to a bbm and made a friend outing (not a date) for tomorrow, went to school, went to the gym for way to long today, had a training session with Amy, showered, got ready for a mall outing with Mary Lou, exchanged the shorts, brought a new bra (this one actually fits nicely), hairspray (all out of my "Big Sexy Hair"), and had great convo with mL while watching the kids play in the play area, came home to tell you all about my adventures for the past couple of days. I don't know if I will be able to gather enough energy for a workout tomorrow. I am feeling a lot of pain in my back. It is probably from the dead-lifts we did during the PT session. Eek. I think I am going to call it an early night and get some much needed shuteye.

Picture day again. I think my body looks different than week one. Hmm. I may need to analyze it thoroughly. I think my shoulder/arms look a little more squared off than week one. Check it out. Tell me what you think.